Fourformomtoplessmamawhatseatingnatalie

cloudya: This? Is the face of insanity. When he wakes up in the middle of the night for no reason and simply refuses to go back to sleep. He doesn’t cry, and that’s a blessing, but he makes little chirping sounds and bangs on the sides of his crib. “If I can’t sleep, nobody can!” I am a mother, and that’s my whole identity right now. Sure, I write. For like, an hour a day. The rest of the time is his. This baby’s. I used to feel guilty about how much I relish his nap time. Or bed time. Or any time when I can put him down for just five minutes and simply…be. I used to read status updates or tumblr posts from other new moms about how they can’t wait to rush home to their baby and I would feel ashamed and wonder what was wrong with me. Why was I looking forward to being away from my baby while they were counting the minutes until they could be with theirs? Then I stopped feeling that way. I give everything I can to my baby, and often, it’s everything I have. I am with him - holding him, playing with him, feeding him, bathing him, soothing him - 12 hours a day. The other 12 he’s sleeping. Often in my arms. I turn myself inside out to make sure he’s happy and safe. But what I feel about it - how I cope and if I stress and when I get tired - that’s mine. I keep that for myself because I’m a person as well as a mother. I chose to do this full time. I chose to give up an identity - scientist, bread maker, contributing member of society - and take on motherhood as a sole means of defining myself for the next few years. Nobody forced me to do it, and I can quit at any time. It’s a gift I am fortunate enough to be able to give to my child. I give him me. I turn myself into full-time mother and little else. But it doesn’t change who I fundamentally am. I’m still angst-ridden and nervous. I’m still independent and introverted. I still crave my alone time. It doesn’t make me a bad mother. It simply makes me…me. Colin Firth’s character has this freak out moment in “Then She Found Me” where he’s talking about how he can’t even take a walk because of his kids, and how he has to take care of them until they can do it for themselves but he doesn’t have to like it, or them. To be a good parent doesn’t mean loving parenthood every minute of every day. I won’t beat myself up for relishing my solitude. I won’t feel guilty for taking half an hour to take care of myself spiritually and mentally. I won’t feel less for looking forward to not being a mommy for a little while. You don’t have to love parenthood all the time to be a good parent. Because Colin Firth says so. But also because it’s true. I agree with you. I have 4 (as some of you know because I *might* mention my stress level on occasion) ages 7, 5, and 4-year-old twins. Oh and 5 months ago my husband and I separated. I CRAVE my alone time - like a drug. I am alone right now and I miss them (they have been at their dad’s for about 7 hours now) but I am already reviewing the schedule to see when my next hit of alone time comes because it never seems like enough. I wish I had no need for sleep and I could spend the 8 hours a night they rest just wandering around the house or reading a book without an interruption from a child with a need that has to *immediately* be met. I am bothered by the posts on FB when moms talk about how awesome being a mom is - sure it is awesome in those moments when they melt your heart - but the rest of the time when they are bickering, making a mess, breaking things, costing money with their regular need to eat and see a doctor (geez!! enough already) it’s exhausting and not very rewarding. I don’t know why this is such an unpopular opinion. Even as I write this I think that the mom police are watching me and I will be shunned out of the club. Growing up I complained a bit (a lot) because my parents were doing their own thing a lot - date night, dinner parties my sister and I had to go to bed early for, art shows, vacations, etc - but you know what, they are still happily married and they are still enjoying all of their hobbies and interests because they didn’t turn their back on all of that when we were younger. I am in no way implying we didn’t have everything we needed, just that from a child’s perspective I wanted more, more, more - which I understand on a different level now that I have kids. I do wish I could get to a point where I felt like I wasn’t just surviving every day; just waiting for the next fire that needs to be put out. 

cloudya:

This? Is the face of insanity. When he wakes up in the middle of the night for no reason and simply refuses to go back to sleep. He doesn’t cry, and that’s a blessing, but he makes little chirping sounds and bangs on the sides of his crib.

“If I can’t sleep, nobody can!”

I am a mother, and that’s my whole identity right now. Sure, I write. For like, an hour a day. The rest of the time is his. This baby’s. I used to feel guilty about how much I relish his nap time. Or bed time. Or any time when I can put him down for just five minutes and simply…be. I used to read status updates or tumblr posts from other new moms about how they can’t wait to rush home to their baby and I would feel ashamed and wonder what was wrong with me. Why was I looking forward to being away from my baby while they were counting the minutes until they could be with theirs?

Then I stopped feeling that way.

I give everything I can to my baby, and often, it’s everything I have. I am with him - holding him, playing with him, feeding him, bathing him, soothing him - 12 hours a day. The other 12 he’s sleeping. Often in my arms. I turn myself inside out to make sure he’s happy and safe. But what I feel about it - how I cope and if I stress and when I get tired - that’s mine. I keep that for myself because I’m a person as well as a mother.

I chose to do this full time. I chose to give up an identity - scientist, bread maker, contributing member of society - and take on motherhood as a sole means of defining myself for the next few years. Nobody forced me to do it, and I can quit at any time. It’s a gift I am fortunate enough to be able to give to my child. I give him me. I turn myself into full-time mother and little else. But it doesn’t change who I fundamentally am. I’m still angst-ridden and nervous. I’m still independent and introverted. I still crave my alone time. It doesn’t make me a bad mother. It simply makes me…me.

Colin Firth’s character has this freak out moment in “Then She Found Me” where he’s talking about how he can’t even take a walk because of his kids, and how he has to take care of them until they can do it for themselves but he doesn’t have to like it, or them. To be a good parent doesn’t mean loving parenthood every minute of every day. I won’t beat myself up for relishing my solitude. I won’t feel guilty for taking half an hour to take care of myself spiritually and mentally. I won’t feel less for looking forward to not being a mommy for a little while. You don’t have to love parenthood all the time to be a good parent.

Because Colin Firth says so. But also because it’s true.

I agree with you. I have 4 (as some of you know because I *might* mention my stress level on occasion) ages 7, 5, and 4-year-old twins. Oh and 5 months ago my husband and I separated. I CRAVE my alone time - like a drug. I am alone right now and I miss them (they have been at their dad’s for about 7 hours now) but I am already reviewing the schedule to see when my next hit of alone time comes because it never seems like enough. I wish I had no need for sleep and I could spend the 8 hours a night they rest just wandering around the house or reading a book without an interruption from a child with a need that has to *immediately* be met. I am bothered by the posts on FB when moms talk about how awesome being a mom is - sure it is awesome in those moments when they melt your heart - but the rest of the time when they are bickering, making a mess, breaking things, costing money with their regular need to eat and see a doctor (geez!! enough already) it’s exhausting and not very rewarding. I don’t know why this is such an unpopular opinion. Even as I write this I think that the mom police are watching me and I will be shunned out of the club. Growing up I complained a bit (a lot) because my parents were doing their own thing a lot - date night, dinner parties my sister and I had to go to bed early for, art shows, vacations, etc - but you know what, they are still happily married and they are still enjoying all of their hobbies and interests because they didn’t turn their back on all of that when we were younger. I am in no way implying we didn’t have everything we needed, just that from a child’s perspective I wanted more, more, more - which I understand on a different level now that I have kids. I do wish I could get to a point where I felt like I wasn’t just surviving every day; just waiting for the next fire that needs to be put out. 

1 year ago
  1. penbleth said: Both of you, it is NOT wrong to need time to yourself and to take that time. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. If you are going to be good mums to your kids you need to be in good shape emotionally. And you ARE good Mums.
  2. whatseatingnatalie reblogged this from cloudya and added:
    I agree with you. I have 4 (as some of you know because I *might* mention my stress level on occasion) ages 7, 5, and...
  3. greeneyesandabrokensmile said: This beautiful little boy is the biggest contribution you can make to society. You didn’t give up your identity…you changed it. There’s a big difference.
  4. raiselm said: Trust me on this one: mothers who work outside the home get excited when their kids go to bed. We all need adult time.
  5. swayinganyway said: You are doing a great job :)